What the Bloke Wished He Knew Sooner - Part I

Part I of What the Bloke Wished He Knew Sooner is rated R. Reader discretion is advised.


One day, the staff of Bike Masters was standing around reminiscing. For the most part the topics were diverse, until they settled on women. The conversation quickly became salacious, with references to experiences in bed. The younger two staff members present, Tim and Zac, were trading tips and tricks for different situations. Things kept going from bad to worse until Tim suddenly and shockingly recalled a story from a former Bike Masters staff member. He said that Jason once old him to extend the period of time he spent in bed he would often think of the Bloke!

When asked what he thought about that story Geoff replied, "I wish I would have know about that before I went on BRAN with him!"

So you want to ride with the bloke?

The Bloke's riding schedule, much like his speech, is extremely erratic. His work schedule is mostly to blame, as it changes week to week. But one thing is sure: He's always off Sundays. And when he's not busy eating you can find him riding from the Keystone Trail Head in Democracy Park around 7 A.M. in conjunction with Zac's Sunday Centuries. Of course you don't have to ride the entire century (to this day the Bloke hasn't) but if you'd like to come out for portion of the ride and learn everything you need to know about life from Geoff (he's "forgotten more than you'll ever know") everyone is welcome!

For a Zac's Sunday Century Ride Calendar check Bike Masters Calendar.
This is also a good place to learn about other Bike Masters Rides!

Employee of the Month

As many of you know Geoff is the greatest employee the world has ever known. In his own words he's "so good, I even amaze myself!" Well this month Geoff was honored with "Employee of the Month" for the third straight month. Come in to Bike Masters to see the official plaque and congratulate him yourself!

The Bloke Interrupts

While attempting to film a virtual tour, Geoff, as usual, becomes the center of attention. If you listen closely, the bloke manages to interrupt himself three times in one breath without even completing a sentence. That's amazing! How does he do it?
Check http://www.bikemastersomaha.com for the actual virtual tour!

Buy The Bloke's Bike!!

As many of you know The Bloke is an avid bike rider. Every year the bloke sells his old bike and gets a new one. This is your opportunity to ride a bike The Bloke actually rode! His bike which is, of course, priceless is available on eBay. The bike itself has a estimated sentimental value of $999.99! We can only assume it will sell very quickly.

Go here to check out the auction!

Excuse my pig, he's a friend!

One autumn The Bloke was wandering the countryside. He happened upon a pig farmer. He noticed that the farm was empty of pigs. He asked the farmer where all his pigs were. The farmer replied "When it starts getting this cold outside I bring them in the house to stay warm." "Pigs! In the house! What about the smell?" The Bloke asked. "Oh, well they'll soon be used to that." the farmed stated.

Win a Day With The Bloke!!

That's right folks. You can win a day at the bike shop with Geoff Paterson. The rules are simple: If you can correctly translate Geoffrey's hand writing from the image below you can win the grand prize of hanging out with Geoff for a whole day.



Please send entries to: blokeinomaha@hotmail.com no later than June 30, 2007. No purchase necessary. Void where prohibited.